My blog posts have been few and far between lately, but I’m going to try and do clean sweep of the week to catch people up. I used to have more time to blog, but since she’s crawling at warp speed, I’m spending more time collecting my child from the danger zones than sitting at the computer. I was thinking that nothing really eventful happened this week, but then Friday night happened. I’ll get to that part here in a few, but here are some of the other happenings around our hood.
1. May has started to pull up on furniture. It seems like when she masters a skill, she follows it up with a new skill immediately after. First it was sitting up, quickly followed by crawling. She has now started eye-balling furniture. You can see the wheels turning in her head. She hasn’t gotten it just yet, but she’s laying the foundation. I’m sure once she starts standing up, taking steps won’t be far behind.
Now furniture doesn’t always have to be something purchased from Crate and Barrel. Sometimes furniture can be something big, furry and generally snobby. Now I’m not naming names, but here is something I walked in on the other day.
Since everyone is innocent until proven guilty, the complacent party in this picture has had their face pixellated. Why you ask? This being works very hard to portray an image of disliking the small human in the house. However, this picture seems to prove otherwise. Not only is this being a willing a participant in “play” with the small human, but she seems to be enjoying it. I mean, if I didn’t want the small human crawling on me, I would get up and walk away, wouldn’t you?! Exactly.
2. Ugh, now to Friday night. A friend of mine who has a little pumpkin the same age as May (actually a few days older) had the idea to go to the Christmas Tree lighting at Fashion Island, which I was sooo psyched about. Fashion Island is our little outdoor mall, and during Christmas they bring in this amazingly HUGE tree that rivals the one in at Rockefeller Plaza. For whatever reason, it never occurred to me that the event was going to be a total madhouse. We had agreed to meet up at 5:30 in the food court for dinner and then go straight to the lighting “ceremony” at 6:00. Well, I was running a little late and I get a text from Rachel telling me it’s crazy and I’m still not putting the pieces together that this thing is going to be like a Justin Bieber concert. That is until Daniel called me and said he could see from his office window that Fashion Island was a cluster F from hell. I then start to panic a little bit. May had been a grouch all day and it was already past her bedtime and we hadn’t even parked the car.
So, I pick up Daniel from his building, which is conveniently across from Fashion Island. Because there is ABSOLUTELY no way to get into the Fashion Island parking deck the good law-abiding citizen way, we pull a renegade move and enter the deck’s roof parking through the street level exit. At this point, I’m pretty tickled with our resourcefulness, and am doing a little pat on the back for how clever we are. This was a huge mistake. The hell had only just begun.
We manage to leave the deck and get to the courtyard where the tree is, and it’s just wall to wall pandemonium. People are everywhere. Strollers are everywhere. It’s just crazy, and the “ceremony” hadn’t even begun. Daniel and I are looking at each other like, “oh hell no.” However, we had a mission. We had to get to the food court, no matter how long it took.
So Daniel and I are trying to make our way to the center of the mall along the perimeter of the crowd, which has been established by the low-budget security team as a “fire lane.” I feel very confident that had there been a fire, we would have all perished because this “fire lane” was clogged with strollers like it was the 405 at rush hour. We do finally make it to the food court. We meet up with Rachel, Dave and Chase. We eat and talk and that was definitely the highlight of the evening.
We leave the food court and make our way back to the tree area and it was all downhill from there. We couldn’t get near the thing. We couldn’t even get near each other. We immediately get split up while traversing the “fire lane” and here my friends is where the Christmas spirit and humanity, as whole, deteriorated. Now I could go on a chronicle all the terrible things that occurred, but why bother? I will just highlight some of the more amusing things from the evening.
1. I decided that going to this damn Christmas tree lighting must feel pretty similar to what it’s like to do the Hajj to Mecca.
-there’s a center piece
-to walk around it is mandatory
-there are too many people trying to walk around it at the same time
2. Although I wasn’t tall enough to see this, Daniel was officially freaked out by the small choir of boys singing and dancing to “It’s a Small World.” I think the words “Hitler Youth” were used in the description of the performance.
3. While trying to reunite with my husband and child, I saw a woman pushing a 10 year old in a stroller. Yeah, I’m serious. I don’t have enough time to chronicle my EXTREME hatred for parents that stroll big kids around, but I couldn’t let this go without comment. This kid was being strolled through the tightest crowd of people I have ever seen. He sat there, with the most sour puss look on his face, while his mother tried to plow him through the people. This I also did not see, but Daniel said the mother had made her way past him and started freaking out that she was claustrophobic, and had to duck into a store to escape the crowd. Here’s an idea, tell your brat to get his arse up, walk like a regular kid and part the crowd with some authority if you’re that freaked out. Ugh. I despiiiiise seeing big kids in strollers. Especially boys. It’s like parents are actively trying to turn their kids into wussies. Now I’m sure said parents would say, “well, little _______ gets tired, and I just have sooo much to do.” Well, I seem to remember learning in school that back in the day, when you were able to walk, you were able to work. I mean, haven’t you ever seen “Little House on the Prairie?” Or better yet, “19 Kids and Counting?” Those Duggars come out of the womb with a to-do list. Life is hard. Get out of the chariot and walk like you have some sense.
3. My favorite part of the evening had to be the greyhounds. Towards the back of the fire hazard was a gaggle of greyhounds dressed up in Christmas costumes and it was so adorable. There must have been 5 or 6 of them. Well something set these greyhounds off, because in unison, they all started barking…and very loudly. Crazy amounts of barking. Like SPCA barking. I guess a dog not associated with their clique set them off. It was highly entertaining.
I realize that this post has a little bit of a sting, but it’s all in good fun. The tree was very beautiful and the night was totally amusing. Unfortunately May was tired, so that kind of put a bummer on the night. Had she been a little livelier, we could have really made a go of it. Daniel and I were psyched to meet up with Rachel, Dave and Chase though. You kind of take for granted what it’s like to socialize with other adults when you have a small child. There’s talk of us meeting up for the boat parade. I’m really excited at the prospect of this. I’m just going to be a little more mentally prepared for the crowds!