I’m starting a new installment I’d like to call, “You know you’re in the O.C. when…”
You know you’re in the O.C. when your vet recommends that your dog get collagen injections and drink purified, filtered water.
Let me explain. For a while now, Tybee has had a little problem. Like all aging women, she’s not able to control her bladder as well as she used to. A while back, we started noticing little piddle drops on the floor and immediately thought she was either acting out or going through a UTI. We took her to the vet and were told that her problem was none of the above. She explained that when dogs are spayed, they become prone to incontinence because estrogen is the main hormone responsible for keeping the urethra constricted (when dogs are spayed, the ovaries are removed and ovaries produce estrogen). No estrogen=loose urethra=rogue pee-pee drops.
We put her on a fairly common incontinence medicine that helps about 90% of dogs experiencing leaky pipes. I’ll let you guess who is in that unfortunate 10%. Yep..Tybee. The medicine didn’t work so we shuttled her BACK to the vet to see what was next. After a whole rigmarole of testing, the vet put her on this super toxic medicine called DES, which is basically pure estrogen in a pill. It’s so toxic to human women that if you are with child, it can cause major birth defects. Needless to say, Daniel is the only one in the house who handles it. Anyway, she has been on it for a few months, and it worked great until we moved to California. We were still seeing the occasional pee-pee drops on the floor, so we upped her dosage.
Well, this week, Tybee started puking for no reason. Daniel hypothesized that she was having an adverse reaction to the upped dosage of estrogen. I didn’t really think this was the case. I feel like, for Tybee, an adverse reaction of estrogen would be for her to do a total personality 180. This would include:
-Being motherly to May
-Contributing to the housework
-Going on a shopping spree
-Talking about her feelings
This was not the case. Of course we were worried so Daniel took her BACK to the vet (this is Tybee’s third or fourth vet visit in as many months). Poor thing. This go around she really did have a UTI. The vet gave her some antibiotics, but also gave Daniel something else. A couple of suggestions…of how to permanently help Tybee’s piddle problem.
The first suggestion was to give Tybee purified, filtered water. This supposedly helps dogs because the super clean water is easier for their bodies’ to process. Anyone who is looking for a business venture, go ahead a move to Orange County. People out here treat their pets better than they treat their children. This is the most perfect marketing opportunity I have ever heard of. There is a fortune to be made. If I wasn’t so busy cleaning up pee-pee spots, I’d do it myself. Oh, the irony.
The second suggestion, and by far one of the most outrageous things I have ever heard was to sign Tybee up for collagen injections around her urethra. Not knowing anything about this, I can only assume that the collagen fills help close in the space and help constrict the urethra. Normally I would research something like this, but it’s $3,000. That is enough for me to be immediately disinterested. If she continues to piddle, I guess I’ll have two girls in diapers.
This concludes the first installment of “You know you’re in the O.C. when.” I think there will be a lot of future fodder for this.