My thoughts on women’s liberation as pertaining to women in the workplace

Whoever said that “women can have it all,” clearly never had to pick up an over-tired child from daycare. I couldn’t have felt worse yesterday if I had tried. I could have probably run over a family of ducks (make sure the image you have of this has lots of little baby duckies) and felt better than I did picking May up from daycare. Women have been done a great disservice by being told that we can be a wife, mother AND a career-girl. While it’s definitely true, we’re probably not as good at all three at the same time as we would be if we were doing each three independently. It’s unfair.

Oh Rosie, how I wish I could believe thee.













And to quote the most profound and ground-breaking women’s lib movie of our time, “Titanic,” (insert laughter here____), “Of course it’s unfair. We’re women. Our choices are never easy.” So simple, succinct and true.

Rose, just marry for money and you won't have to worry about things like voting, and not being a possession.














I know that the key to being a working mother is finding balance, but it still doesn’t make it any less difficult. I am very fortunate that I am able to stay home with May most days, but I’m also forced to think about my career in the future. There is going to come a day when May goes to pre-school and I’ll be left at home all alone, and folks, that is something Tybee DOES NOT WANT. Since my field changes so quickly, having a part time job helps me keep my skill current in order to be employable down the line. It’s a shame that I have to think this far in the future, but like the true power B I am, I’m always two steps ahead of the game. Haha, just kidding. Not really. I swear though, if I had it my way, I’d be a 24-7 Cam Tucker from Modern Family:

Cam never tires of being a stay at home parent.










However, if this daycare situation doesn’t improve, I will be a 24-7 Cam again. Plenty of women have to do it (put their kiddos in daycare), but I’m not sure my nerves can take it. Hats off to them… because they are tough. Which leads me to my next thought…

Why haven’t we had a female president yet?

Toughest woman in America.












All I’m saying is that the math on having it all doesn’t add up to 100%. Each piece of the pie has a sizable chunk taken out. Maybe the trick is to realize that there is no such thing as having it all. The sooner women realize this, the sooner we can make peace with the decisions we have to make as wives, mothers and bread winners (although I am so far from a bread winner that it’s not even funny).


8 thoughts on “My thoughts on women’s liberation as pertaining to women in the workplace

  1. Ehren Baxter says:

    Ash, this post is for realz! I applaud you for putting your truth out there (insert Oprahism here) – so many women feel as though they are “failing” because they fall short on the long list of “musts” that are out there for moms/wives/women. The truth is the sooner we come to terms with what works for US and OUR family, the closer we are to “having it all.” My belief is that “having it all” is objective, and personal (although the professional world thinks differently). However, we would be remiss to not mention the palpable pressure of being the college educated, student loan carrying, high career expectations ladies of 2011-financial crisis in tow and all. Although all of us are not as “financially blessed” as your fellow O.C.ers, I know that there is a small sliver of space that once can nest in and be happy with her ownership of what works in her life and what truly benefits the family as a whole. My parents have always told me that they made whaever sacrifices that they had to, financially to make sure that one of them was home with us in our younger years. I take that to heart. I had a wonderful childhood, and a lot of that had to do with having one parent who was almost always there for us, day or night. Thank goodness for that, because my parents picked the WORST babysitters!
    Let your heart be your guide down this road… will never steer you wrong.
    p.s. you are one of the most intelligent and personable people that I know – have faith that you will always be able to jump back on the J.O.B. waggon if/when the time comes, no matter what your decided in the short term!

    • Thank you Ehren! You know, it really is harder for women. I know I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been said for ages, but it’s true. There are so many external influences that tell us we can have it all, but no one mentions at what price. I can’t tell you how many women I know who have, like you said, racked up huge student loan debts, and all they want to do is stay home and raise their kids. The flip side of this coin is what I like to think of as “media pressure.” The media floods us with lip service that it’s not okay to WANT things that are simpler in nature. Like if I want to say home, I’m some how not ambitious, or I’m copping out. Daniel and I talk about this a lot. There is no way to know what your older self wants when you are younger. Of course I’ve always wanted to be a mom, but when you’re 22, what does that even mean to your 22 year old self? Without a point of reference, it doesn’t mean anything. Men have it easy. In a traditional sense, they are the bread winners, so they know that they have to work, and spending time with their children can suffer. Women however don’t have that luxury. We’re expected to work, come home, make dinner, get the kids to bed. I’m not complaining at all. I love it, I truly do. My point is that when we, as women do it all, it comes with guilt. And that is what people don’t talk about. For me, the guilt might outweigh the benefits of working. We’ll just have to see!

      About your O.C. comment, these hags around here kill me. When I went to check out her daycare, there was a woman dropping of her little son (he was about 2) and I heard her say she drops him off when she has errands to do. The worst part about it was she had a nanny with her dropping off the child! I can’t imagine putting May in daycare “just to run errands.” I’m sure her errands were of the botox variety.

  2. Ashley says:

    To avoid the going-back-to-work-when-May-is-in-preschool issue, just have another baby! 😉

    But seriously, I can’t imagine how tough it is to put a kid in child care, but I encourage you to do what’s right for your family. Maybe it’s just giving May and yourself time to adjust to such a huge change or maybe it’s staying home full time, saying good-bye to a career field and just working as a school secretary when she goes to school. Only you and Daniel can make that desicion. No one can really ever have it all anyway. Things must be sacrificed somewhere. No one can give 100% to everything 100% of the time, and the women who fall for the lie that they can {or must!} walk around feeling like failures. You being able to recognize that means that you are already well ahead of the crowd!

    Good luck! You guys will figure it out.

    • Hey Ash!
      I’ve thought of the second baby option! Haha, not for a few years though. You bring up a really good point. Feeling like a failure is something I think women excel in, due in part to trying to have it all. And you’re right about not being able to do it all, no one can. I’ll figure it out. Who knows. Hopefully she’ll adjust and it’ll be a moot point.

      You must be due any day now! Are you excited, anxious?! I remember at the point you’re at now I was just ready to get it over with! You’re going to be a great mom:) My advice…get the epidural. I was a staunch anti-epidural gal until I got to the hospital. Funny how quickly ones tune can change:)

  3. lolo says:

    You are sage young one. You get that from me…

  4. Erin says:

    Hang in there Ashley. You are right to keep up with your profession but I agree with you 100% that no one can do it all, as they say. Can’t blame you one bit for wanting to be home with May all the time, but a little part time is just perfect. You are blessed that you don’t have to work and can make Daniel, May, Tybee, and your home first priority. Your emotions just prove that you are a great mother and May will do just fine! I’m enjoying your posts, they are all so beautifully written, save them for May to read one day. Love, Aunt Erin

    • Thank you, Erin. I’m glad you’re enjoying reading the blog. I’m having a blast writing it. All her little moments are so fleeting, so the blog is a nice way to document those sort of things.
      Thank you for the encouragement. I think May will adjust, I hope so anyway. If she doesn’t, I’ll just quit. It’s not worth it to me for her to be unhappy just so I can have a part time job. Women come back into the work force all the time after raising children. No biggie:)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: