$ense and $ensibility

Being from a  middle class upbringing makes living in Newport Beach very interesting. There is an unbelievable amount of wealth here. You don’t see normal things like 7-11, Walmart, McDonalds. Rich people just don’t roll like that. You don’t see garbage on the ground (a nice change from EVERYWHERE ELSE we’ve lived). Every blade of grass has been trimmed with blood, sweat and scissors.  The real estate is the most expensive in the nation. A cardboard box will run you in the millions.

I can’t overstate the fact that Daniel and I are still totally middle class, but we just happen to live in this twilight zone. Actually, we’re probably poor by Newport Beach standards. When I use my debit card at the grocery store, the clerk looks at it like it’s food stamps. I guess everyone else uses their black Amex cards.

From this middle class point of view, it’s very fun to sort of just observe the native Newport Beacher in their natural habitat. One overwhelming thing that Newport Beachers have in common is their desperate desire to ‘keep up with the Jones’.’ The most outward manifestation of this need can be seen in their cars. Everyone drives a nice car in Newport Beach…except us. That’s not to say that our car isn’t nice. We drive a Mazda Protege, which by Virginia standards is a very nice, reliable solid car. When a Newport Beacher sees our Mazda, they aren’t seeing a nice, navy blue wagon, they see this:


Don't be jealous.











Something I have noticed about these ridiculously expensive cars is that they don’t look that special. I recognize that these cars probably drive and handle amazingly, but honestly, why do you need a car to go 0-60 in three seconds when the speed limit in Newport Beach is never above 55? Add that to the horribly timed traffic lights in this place, and all you have is an expensive car that spends its time racing from red light to red light. I saw a Maserati convertible this morning when leaving Panera (yeah, day six, stop judging) and I saw this car:


Maserati Granblahblahblah









which to me looks a whole lot like this car:


MAZDArati Miata










A Mazda Miata. He could have saved the money and got some really hot hair plugs. If I were a gold digger, I’d probably want to be seen around town with a dude who has a full head of hair than an overpriced overcompensation machine if you get my drift…


Another expensive car that has a much more reasonably priced doppelganger is the Jaguar:


This car screams: The napkins in my glove box are actually hundred dollar bills.











Here is it’s less wealthy twin, the Hyundai Sonata:

Hey kids, we bought a Sonata. You can go to college now!











Don’t EVEN tell me they don’t look alike. I swear, buy some Jaguar logos on ebay and I think most people would be hard-pressed to tell the difference. Unless you’re driving it, of course.


I just don’t get it, but then again I have never really cared about cars. I hate driving and always have. My mom had to bribe me to get my license. It’s just never been my thing. In lieu of a Bentley:


What's the big deal?











I’d rather have this Bentley!:


Bentley from Teen Mom! Cutest little boy ever!










May needs a little brother, not a Ferrari! Her car seat would never fit.


I'm too big for those fancy cars!

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4 thoughts on “$ense and $ensibility

  1. lolo says:

    I resent your assumption about the wealthy, they have worked hard for what they’ve been given.
    Face it, god loves them and not you.
    Have you thought about lease option’s on a M class?

  2. I tried. They saw my ghetto hooptie and told me I wasn’t good enough to lease an M class.

  3. Ashley says:

    “He could have saved the money and got some really hot hair plugs.”


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